Sunday, 2 August 1998

Outakes: Archive 1

I don't mind [OT], but at least make it kinky.

DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed here are solely those of the author's who doesn't care whether or not you think he is a right wing nut. Please forgive any spelling and/or grammatical errors for he is also a victim of the American public education system.

With the shirts I wear, embarrassment is foreign to me...

If the yanks dont like me posting about another shooting incident then get them to stop shooting people!!

You do have the full range of Demonically Evil add-ons, don't you? Including Office 97?

They're quite lovable really, unless you happen to be black, Jewish, have more money than them, or just get in their way ...

We're here for you man. RGMW, the support group for perverts.

Hooray! A real damn argument now! You yanks can shove your guns up your arse, we're arguing about Dr Who!!

I have no self-esteem, and need to use a large sig to bolster my failing ego.

The British contingent of this NG will have something to say about life in the US when they finally manage to do something slightly more useful than carrying the US armed forces luggage to the next third world smack down that we deliver.

Of course, RGMW stands for Rogered Guys Moaning and Whining...

I was going to extend this argument, but I went for a piss and forgot my next paragraph. Damn.

Personal code of honour. I don't do the following: 1) Sleep with dead things, children, or animals. 2) Drink American "beer". 3) Post binaries.

I think we need a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on this NG...

I've got you figured out. You're only in this for the text.

I believe the term you are looking for is " Official RGMW Chocolate- Covered Skank Ho"

Ooo.. NO YOU WON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS SMUT!!!!!!!!!

But... Could you do that again. This side, this time? And call me mommy...

But sleeping with dead baby animals is what life is all about!

Unless the exchange rate changes, and Canadian money becomes worth -more- than Monopoly money.

All innocent and/or sensible persons have 12 hours to leave this NG. After that, we can no longer guarantee your sanity.

Well, you've just met all the qualifications to be a professional author, in that you have no qualifications to be an author.

I dunno, he quite enjoys people holding candles up to his perversion, but the smell of scorched hair is atrocious. :)

It's not silly. You did spell glair wrong. Just because there's no such word as glair, doesn't mean you didn't spell it wrong...

There actually exists a thread with more than a hundred posts and no homosexual innuendo. (A scientific viewpoint of the flood) The subject itself naturally has absolutely nothing to do with GW games, but that would be asking too much, don't you think.

You're too young for this filth. Go and browse the hardcore porn groups instead, less chance of you being corrupted...

All hail the wonky Hamster of Doom, Bucktoothed Harbinger of the Apocalypse!

*Vomits* ROBCPW1/AlecPeters/Rec.games.miniatures.warhammer.kinky.sex .latex.bestiality.corpses.and.even.altar.boys

That is *sooo* cheesy. Didn't I say Codex: God would be full of hyped-up super-cheese?

Frankly, it looked more legible when I ROT13ed it.

You bastard, leave those words in my mouth alone... They are already twisted enough...

Actually, for me, fucking is just fine.

All we need are quad combiweapons to solve all of our differences.

Hey, you can't talk to him like that. As a successful lawyer, astronaut, cabalist, baker, organ donor, gun runner, priest, bookie, crime fighter, stand up comedian and pro wrestler I can safely say that if you continue to make slanderous allegations like that I'll be forced to fly to the US and rape your pets. Twice.

Stop being so goddam polite. I'm trying to start a flame war here.

You mis-spelled "M45T3R H4X0R."

(PS -- how long does the typical thread's title remain valid for, anyway? I want to see some statistics.)

Jeepers. Maybe somebody should start a newsgroup devoted to GW miniatures games.

I think we need to start a support group....."Hi, my name is Matt and I used....AOL."

Oh, come on! You've been here before! You know we don't actually DISCUSS anything around here. We just trade insults, semi-coherent rants, off-topic opinions, and snappy .sig lines.

Well, your 'emotional pain' is bleeding all over my carpet.

I'd see a porno flick with Kylie Minogue!! (Either Kylie in the movie, or Kylie out sitting on the bed with me. Either interpretation works just fine as far as I'm concerned...)

I'm glad I stopped by this newsgroup, I've learned so much about Warhammer.

Mature? Don't you ever accuse us of being that again...

"I know what the rule says, Tuomas, but you *know* what I meant. If I have to change it I'll have to walk *ALL* the way back up to the computer doohickey..."

Whoa...we're on topic. What happened?

It's finally happened. My Warhammer hobby has left me homeless and penniless. My car was repossessed this morning.

I suggest contacting the RTC - but be careful, they're a funny lot and much given to impaling unbelievers with sharp pointy things and removing people's heads for the slightest transgression. Some of them like eating people, too.

I knew that guy at the GW store was looking at me strangely while I was feeding cheese to the Skaven . . .

Hah! Look out for my lethal commando Nurgling, then.

A Texan AND a Frenchman? Wouldn't that cause some kind of arrogance singularity, sucking the ego out of everything around it, and causing a massive personality black hole which made all other topics of conversation except it's own bloated superego impossible?

Well, if you have Squats, I'm sorry to tell you that these are almost completely worthless. It seems you can't unload these even if you try to give 'em away free with other figures. I will do you a HUGE favor, if you have any, and buy any that you have at $0.50 a pound.

Oh, come now...this NG was never serious. How seriously can you take a forum that's dedicated to playing outrageously-expensive games with little plastic and metal soldiers? You can't. Part of the problem here is that people are taking this way too seriously.

No no no NO. You don't apologise and say something sensible, you're supposed to now flame everyone and take an outrageous stance on a highly debated topic.

Hey, I'm not you.

Oh, wait a sec, yes I am.

Well... I chose the Eldar. They are so very color coordinated, and they have such pretty outfits. And there is the beret of course, and ritual sodomy. Mmmmmmhhhhh.... ritual sodomy.

This is weird. I had an image of two Marines trying to kick out a gatecrashing Greater Daemon...

First of all, DIE DIE FUCKING DIE! Second of all, see the first.

Understands that a game can be named differently between countries. Marvels at the fact that the UK guys are actually rallying around this.

When making Shepherd's Pie, try to avoid using real shepherds.

SSSHHHHHH!! I'm busy trying to pick up hot internet chicks, do you mind?

A French wargame? That's a novel concept. What do you do, see who can drop their weapons the fastest, run for cover and surrender??

Now that I got the Steering Wheel patch, my car hardly ever crashes. Waddaya mean it was supposed to COME with one...?

Anal cigarettes? Yeeeow.

So, in a way, it is worth the money (I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS).

I find that bulldog clips are indispensable. Being immune to Tippex, they can start shredding paper / pinning writing implements from the first turn. Of course, they have to watch out for that bloody blu-tack, though.

A "Version-change" (similar to a sex change but more painful)

If this childish patriotic/religious/intolerant nonsense doesn't stop right now, NOBODY's going to heaven. Catch my drift? Good.

Certainly, sir. Today's speciality is liquified redneck with diced Alec Peters. We also have ROB marinaded in its own bullshit, and raw Thrasher delicately sprinkled with Al-Hussein(TM) anthrax spores. Might I recommend the Evil Homer(TM) Shredded Newbie for dessert. All served with a side-salad of chopped Comizzar and Phoenixflare.

Codex: Leman Russ Right Sponson Heavy Bolter Ammo Hopper Third Shell Down From the Top, painted Green and Named Richard by the Tank Commander.

It almost appears as if this festering pit of filth has degenerated into a semi-respectable on-topic newsgroup. Say it isn't so.

HA! I just killfiled god!

Pompous know it all: Someone who doesn't think 100 is a high number for an IQ.

You're thinking of the soon-to-be-released battlefield sewing kit surely (RRP �15). Including quick release zip pockets allowing GW quick access to your wallet and a free bottle of Citadel Colour T-shirt dye (contains only enough to dye 75% of your shirt, so you must buy another (RRP �10). Transfers will also be sold separately (�5 each), and then there's the official GW needle set (boxed set of 5 sewing needles �25) - only shirts which have been modified using official GW needles and accessories will be allowed into official GW stores/events.

Better than being anally raped by a moose and living.

3. I've also heard that Jews are trying to take over the world. I'm busted on this one. I'm working independantly on the problem, however, and none of my family members (to the best of my knowledge) are attempting world domination.

ObDisclaimer: I hear Tom Clancy interviews sailors before he writes a book. Said sailors must be having a great laugh at his expense right now.

Bobbies. How can anyone be afraid of anything named "Bobbies"?

A great deal of people on this NG are stupid kids who think they have the world figured out. The rest are stupid adults who think they have the world figured out . . .

Before start I'd like to say that the word "Sex" was included in the title merely to get more people to read this.

ROBCPW1 is a fucking you.

Oops, disregard that stylish pun. I've just realised that it sounds like an Italianised warning of an attack upon the readers person...

Gotta love it when someone with a .fi at the end of their address has better English skills than someone with a .uk at the end of theirs...

At last!! Someone else who uses the term "darkies"!!! I thought it was dead long ago. *wipes tear from eye* ah, that reminds me of my childhood - my grandfather ranting on about niggers and spics and krauts, and the rest of my family saying, "Yes, well, erm, quite. Did you see that programme on BBC 2?"

Actually, Roboute was writing the Codex, and he needed to make sure it was up to scratch. So, for the entire Heresy, he had the whole *legion* parading up and down on Ultramar, repainting their armour, parading, designing laurel wreaths, parading, building statues to the Emperor, parading - oh, and partaking of the traditional Ultramarine ritual of group sodomy. Repeatedly. In companies. On the parade ground. In formation.

You can't make an omelette without breaking Jervis^Weggs.

No. I have something special planned for McVey; a death connected to his sin... we'll feed him ever Lemartes miniature in the place.

Damn straight! Let's capture all the studio. Tie them to chairs. "Now, Mr. McVey. Ve have a few questions to ask you..." "Ah. Mr. Priestly. So nice of you to join us?" "Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr. Woods. I expect you to die...."

Is he trying to say that Faith In Christ will get people laid in the afterlife? That's a new take on it.

GO: No, no, really, they're, um, well, they're... Rizla papers, that's what they are! Oh yes. FI: Oh yes? GO: (Begins frantically rolling top secrets documents) Oh yes. Got a light?

Damn you Bourbon! Damn you straight to hell! Well, not *straight* to hell... (gulp)

Here is a universal Chaos Motto:

Trying to overthrow the Imperium for 10,000 years, and still haven't gotten it right.

Suddenly, there was a great lurch in the space time continuum, as every member of RGMW lost their lunch.

Actually, it's been proven that 80% of RGMW are complicated AI programs. 19% are overweight, balding white men who never leave their homes. The remaining 1% are clueless newbies and/or trolls.

BTW, this is the true reason for the Horus Heresy: the Loyalist were into opera and ballet, and the heretics were into musicals.

Perhaps he knows a HUGE Harley-Biker kinda guy covered in tattoos, several randomly-placed body-piercings, shaved head and red goatee! Wearing leather, wrapped in chains, and smoking a ceegar! "Where's that bitch Alec Peters? Joe Schulte's the name, sodomizing's the game!"

I think it should go to rec.bloody.scientists.showing.off.their.'A'.grade.at.physics.A.level, to be honest ...

Okay, kiddies, I'm starting to feel sorry for the pathetic, child molesting, UET afflicted dork. We've got to leave him *one* of his illusions.

However, we will stop sending orders to people who insist on "group hugs" as part of a (quickly decided) company policy.

You missed a FUCKING between THIS & NEWSGROUP.

Still, I think the IG could use a combat engineer corps. They should be tough enough to hold their own in battle, technically competent and well- supplied with novel equipment, matter-of-fact about the risks of combat, hairy faced, four feet tall and called Squats.

'Mancunian'. That's just plain EVIL.

He was an intelligent AOL'er! THEY'RE A PROTECTED SPECIES, DAMMIT!

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